- Serving the Kingdom Through Missions

Sex for school

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Please imagine that you are a sixteen year old girl living in Cambodia. You grew up in the country side and you have never been to a big city. You love your family very much. You want to work hard and make them proud. Your family is poor and you feel responsible to help provide as you are the oldest. Besides being responsible for your family you have your own dreams. You desperately want to go to school so that one day you can be a teacher and help the other children in your village. You don’t know how this dream could come true because your family is so poor.

One day you find out about an opportunity to go to school but the school is very far from your house; making it impossible to go. You wonder if you will ever be a teacher since it seems impossible for you to study. Then a friend tells you about an opportunity to live in a house with other boys and girls so that you can attend school. You are so excited and can’t believe that you will get the chance to attend school.

You gather your few belongings and head to your new home a few hours away. But when you arrive you are confronted with a problem: The man who owns the house also owns a beer garden and he wants you to work there. You find out that the other girls attend school but also work in the beer garden making it possible for them to save money; which they send back to their parents.

Working in the beer garden means drinking beer, getting groped by customers and perhaps sleeping with them. You don’t want to do this. You are scared of the customers and feel ashamed of the work. You tell the man that you don’t want to work in the beer garden, you just want to go to school. The man gets angry with you and makes you feel ungrateful as he provided a place for you to stay. The other students make you feel bad as well for not giving in to the man. You tell your parents but instead of encouraging you to not work they pressure you to agree. They make you feel guilty and ask you why you are so selfish? They ask you why you would not want to support them? Don’t you know what that money could do for them? All of the other girls care about their families and send them money, why can’t you be like them? You feel so sad and hopeless. All you want is to be a teacher and for your family to be proud.

So what are you to do in this predicament? This is a lot of pressure for a young girl to face. This story may seem very unfamiliar to you but this kind of situation is very common in Cambodia. Kone Kmeng has been working with various projects in the provinces of Cambodia and this hypothetical story that I had you imagine is actually a problem that a real girl is facing right now. She is being pressured to work in a beer garden in order to attend school and provide for her family. Her situation seems very grave and many of us, including myself, cannot relate to that kind of pressure.

Kone Kmeng wants to help this girl as well as other children at risk. Children must be fought for and that is why their work is so important. They want young people in Cambodia to have a chance to attend school and live in a safe environment. They want to help support children in their studies and speak value into them. It is their desire and hope that the children come to know Christ as their personal Savior and give their lives to him. You can help. If you would like to get more involved please contact us. The lives of many children are on the line and we have the opportunity to help them now.

http://www.kone-kmeng.org/

The weight of Urgency

Sun, 25 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT

I had this horrible dream. In the dream I found myself in a huge cathedral with hundreds of people and the cathedral was going to blow up in one hours time. The people inside the building were all aware of this and were attempting a mass suicide. Some of them were people I knew in high school, some from college, and many I did not recognize. I was hit with the reality that if they went through with this they would be separated from God forever.

In my dream the hour started to fly by and in a panic I ran around the room trying to convince various people not to go through with it and to get out of the building. I begged and I cried for them to listen to me and go outside. I tried to tell them about Jesus and how much he loved them. I tried to tell them how valuable their lives were. I cannot express the urgency I felt as the hour began to run out. I was so desperate for them to see and get out of the building. I woke up right before the building exploded still in a sense of panic and desperation.

The past couple of days I have not been able to stop thinking about my dream. I can still feel the excruciating sense of urgency. I was so desperate for them to listen to me. After dwelling on my dream for a couple of days I have come to some personally convicting thoughts that I want to share.

How desperate am I for people to know Jesus? If I am so serious about my faith wouldn’t I be telling people about Jesus intentionally every day? (In actions and words) If you were on a plane about to crash and knew where the parachutes were, would you not be telling everyone else on board?

While working with women and men coming out of the sex trade I have seen how weighty the gospel is. If there is not an inner healing and freedom that comes from Christ they will still be trapped in bondage. If I am not telling them about Christ and his love for them I am doing them a major injustice. Now, God does not need me to show himself to others, he is perfectly capable of doing that without me. If we simply lift our eyes up from the ground we can see evidence of him in creation and the world around us. There is also evidence and accounts of his working through dreams. No he does not need me, but he wants to use me.

Tozer writes, “The gospel can lift this destroying burden from the mind, give beauty for ashes, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. But unless the weight of the burden is felt the gospel can mean nothing to the man; and until he sees a vision of God high and lifted up, there will be no woe and no burden. Low views of God destroy the gospel for all who hold them.”

The question I have been asking myself lately is do I understand the weight of the gospel? Do I even understand the weight of my own sin and what I have been saved from? Tozer also writes that if we cannot comprehend the weight of our own sin we cannot comprehend the joy that comes from God’s salvation. I want so desperately to walk in that knowledge and reality of that weight. I want that urgency to tell everyone about this glorious love that I know and don’t deserve. I want to be desperate for the captives to be set free and to see them walk in that freedom.

As the days go on and my dream becomes more and more distant, I don’t want to forget that sense of urgency. I want to keep my eyes on Christ and my heart secured in him. I want others to know Him. In a sense we are in a building that is set to explode; we just don’t know the time yet. Shouldn’t that affect the way we live today? Does it affect you?

Children's books about rape?

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

Girls are standing in a line waiting to be sold. They have smiles plastered on their faces and their learned ways entice their customers. They convince themselves that this is the only way they can provide. They may even feel beautiful and sophisticated while getting the attention of local and foreign men. Maybe they are poor. Maybe they were abused when they were young and now seen as “tainted.” Maybe no one gave them a chance or saw their potential. The reasons are endless as are the girls standing in the line...

What if we could stop the abuse before it happens? What if we could change lives before they are in this situation? There are so many similar stories of abuse and violence. We must learn from these and prevent these stories from repeating themselves. No one is born wanting to work as a prostitute and no one is born with the desire to abuse women and children. Do you see why fighting for children at a young age is important?

Perhaps prevention is not seen to be as glamorous as knocking down the walls of a brothel but if we took more action on the prevention side maybe there would not be as many brothel walls to knock down in the first place. Something that I have learned from working with Kone Kmeng (http://www.kone-kmeng.org/) is that for holistic change to come we must fight for the children, work with families and unite the communities with the churches. The hearts must be penetrated. Therefore if we really want to see change...we must pray.

Many myths shape the culture in Cambodia and seem to reside in lies about identity. I hear statements everyday such as: “White skin is better.” “Small noses are more beautiful.” Another dangerous and widespread myth is that once a girl is abused she is FOREVER tainted and becomes a target for more abuse. Imagine what it would be like to be told that you are spoiled goods and worthless every day. I know for me it would be hard to believe otherwise. Many girls then grow to believe that their only option is to prostitute themselves and by doing so they can at least provide for their families and redeem some sort of good standing.

I would like to invite you to follow the progress of an exciting project. In response to a true and heart breaking story of abuse Kone Kmeng had the idea of writing and publishing a children’s book. I am working with one of their staff members to create this book. (Also Laura Burris, a childhood friend is doing the illustrations. The image to the left is a sneak peak!)

The book is about a thirteen year old girl who experienced abuse from her father and then later is raped by local men. Through the help of the pastor in her village she is encouraged to continue going to school where she meets Jesus. She is encouraged to strive for her dream of becoming a doctor and helping her village. The hope that she has gets her through a dark time and allows her to trudge toward her dreams.

This is a children’s book and the target audience are the children in the provinces of Cambodia. It may seem strange to have a book for children addressing rape but it is very relevant to their lives. The reality is that this subject is not a foreign concept to them. Domestic violence and abuse is a very real thing for many Cambodian children. They need to know that such abuse is not permissible, that they have a voice and that they are valuable. The message of the book is that no event or person can steal value and there is always hope. Jesus is the only one who can change hearts and he can redeem even the darkest of situations.

The girl who inspired this story is real. Her pain is real as well as her hope. The details of her experience are guarded as not to exploit her for her experience. She is not a victim. She is a child of God and should not be defined by what was done to her. But we must learn from her story and take action before it happens to others and take an active part in the lives of those who have experienced abuse as well.The desire to fight for her and children like her should be fierce in us.

Girls like her could very well grow up to be doctor; making a huge difference in their communities. Boys her age if fought for now could stand up for women instead of abusing them. Families that are soaked in brokenness could experience a tidal wave of healing. Jesus cares about these children and so should we.

If you would like to know more information about this project or would like to help out in any way please write me at: laurenlouisestuck@gmail.com or the director of Kone Kmeng at: konekmeng@gmail.com

Be Thou Exalted

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

"O God, be Thou exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth's treasures shall seem deal until me if only Thou art glorified in my life.

Be Thou exalted over my friendships. I am determined that Thou shalt be above all, though I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth.

Be Thou exalted above my comforts. Though it mean the loss of bodily comforts and the carrying of heavy crosses I shall keep my vow made this day before Thee.

Be Thou exalted over my reputation. Make me ambitious to please Thee even if as a result I must sink into obscurity and my name be forgotten as a dream.

Rise, O Lord, into Thy proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself.

Let me decrease that Thou mayest increase, let me sink that Thou mayest rise above.

Ride forth upon me as Thou dist ride into Jerusalem mounted upon the humble little beast, a colt, the foal of an ass, and let me hear the children cry to Thee, 'Hosanna in the Highest.' "

-A.W. Tozer

A Hero Disguised in the Worst of Men

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal....Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat—the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden.” (C.S. Lewis from the essay, "Weight of Glory.")

As a follower of Christ I am called to look upon every human as a holy being made by an all powerful creator. Every soul is a unique window into the heart of God. It pains me to think about all of the times I have neglected to see the work of art God has created and placed in front of me. People so quickly become the backdrop of my day instead of taking center sage. I wonder how many times I have missed out on learning something new about God because of it.

Often I have found myself on a favorite soap box talking about how we need to love the men who are involved in the sex trade. That may sound great but to be honest with you I have had ulterior motives. I realized recently that my motivation for wanting to reach the men was basically to help the women. (Which is not bad but it needs to go farther) Its almost as if I saw it as a formula: Change the men and we will save the women! I see now that it is not that easy and I have been looking at the men as solution to the problem instead of seeing them as holy beings in need of the same restoration that the women deserve. After attending a training a couple of days ago with MST (Men in the Sex Trade) my perspective was changed and I left with a new vision and a new understanding.

Just as I would not label a women as a prostitute because that is placing a stigma on her, I should not call the men in the sex trade “Johns” or “perverts.” Instead of merely looking at men for what they are on the surface I need to ask God to change my eyes. I want to see men for what they COULD be instead of dwelling on the sin that is so blatant to my eyes.

My aunt Brenda used to say, “Never throw out anyone.” That is a new conviction I have for the men that come to Phnom Penh to buy sex. Did Jesus not die on the cross for these men too? Are their sins a little bit too bad? A little bit too ugly? No! These men are worthy of love just like the rest of us. I wonder how often our judgement spurs them farther down the slippery slope of sexual sin?

We are called to be extensions of God’s grace, mercy and love. It is never too late for any man to find restoration and return to the heart of God. (Please don’t hear me saying I condone their sin, or that I am going to go hang out with rapists and sex offenders alone, but we can’t just throw them out.) These men are craving relationship, connection, intimacy and love just like the rest of us do. Yes the way they go about finding those things are wrong and hurtful to others (and they do require consequences where justice is concerned), but they are desperate cries that cannot be ignored.

The other day after the training I went on the MST outreach and was a part of a mobile prayer team. We went to various red light districts in the city and prayed over the men we saw outside various clubs and brothels that were buzzing with activity until early in the morning. There were two other groups participating with us, one stayed back at the base to pray and the other group roamed the streets and engaged men in conversation.

What struck me that night was that God is too faithful, too loving, and too gracious to give up on these men. They are not happy, they are desperately chasing after feelings of intimacy and then in the morning they are faced with the reality that they are alone. My heart broke for them.

I know for a fact that God can change the messiest life and make it beautiful. There are many testimonies of men encountered in the red light districts that repented and gave their lives over to God. But they need people who are willing to sit in their mess with them, it is not a quick fix.

God desires to call out the greatness in men and in all of us really. Do any of us really live up to the potential that an intimate walk with God should inspire? I believe that God is pursuing the men in the red light districts just as much as he is the women. He is relentless and he will show himself to them like a roaring lion. I repent for all the times of looking at these men and only seeing the dirt and the grime. My prayer is that the love of Christ will penetrate their hearts and we will see transformation and lasting change.

I think we would be surprised to find that there is a hero disguised in the worst of men. Let's call them out.

Eyes Wide Open

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

The curtain was suddenly drawn and light clashed with darkness. I was no longer walking around a tourist hot spot but a war zone. The reality of the sex trade along with the evilness of man became real and I did not feel so invincible anymore. Clearly this is not just a lucrative business but a battle for souls. Totally unprepared I found myself standing between a man and his source of income; and he was not happy.

How did we get to this? This girl was completely innocent at one point. Was she a wanted or unwanted baby? Was she abused by her family or loved? Do they even know where she is now or what her life is like? Did she come from a poor family and the burden of providing was placed on her shoulders? Has anyone told her that she is valuable? Beautiful? Does she remember the days before her job was sleeping with men? Does she remember what it is like to be free from the haze of drugs? Does she know what it is like to be loved without wanting anything in return? When was the last time her sleep was not interrupted by the violent hands of evil men? Does she know what it is like to paint and draw in peace without getting threatened for not being with customers?

And what about this man who is responsible for selling her? The one who controls her and makes money off her body. Why is he so numb and angry? What occurred in his life that makes it impossible for him to stay sober? When did he loose sight of other human beings and their value? How does he see himself? What happened to him that made him okay with exploiting and abusing women? What were his dreams when he was young? Did he want to be a teacher, a soccer player, super hero or a doctor? Maybe his mom is sick and he needs money for her medicine. Was he abused when he was young? Does he remember life before alcohol and violence? Is he looking for an escape? What is going on behind the fury in his eyes and his clenched jaw? Can I blame him for being angry at me for getting in the way of his livelihood?

Why did I think I could waltz into this place with my paint brush without shaking things up? Why did I not think about the consequences of painting with these girls and about the possibility that I could get them in trouble for not making enough money? Well I cannot go back now and experience is the best teacher so I am choosing to learn from it but I still have so many questions. God protected me, showed me the reality of the situation but I can’t help thinking about that girl and where she is now. How can we reach those girls without endangering their lives or making their situations worse? What is really helping and what is hurting? How can we get these girls out of these situations? And what about me? I am serving an all powerful God but where is the line between being bold and being stupid? I don’t want to be crippled by fear but I want to walk wisely. This is not simply a battle between flesh and blood, that is very clear.

So what now? God has called me to Cambodia to be a voice for girls such as this one. I am not going to be silent and I am not going to give up. I will not stay inside my house afraid that next time things will go differently; which shows me how vital prayer is. I will strive to walk in wisdom and discernment. I also recognize how naive I have been and still am in many aspects as I am still in the learning process. We live in a messy world but we have a great and beautiful hope. This hope; which is the love of Christ is too precious and too brilliant to keep to myself. So I will not be discouraged but will continue to fight this fight with the backing of an angel army. God is the only one who can penetrate hearts and restore the broken walls. The pressure if off but the war is on.

A passion given for a passion returned

Thu, 3 Nov 2011 00:00:00 GMT

“The goal is not to change your subjects, but for the subject to change the photographer."

Author Unknown

My plans were to become a photographer and travel the world for National Geographic magazine. The art of photography had captured a part of me and I wanted to live a life of adventures and exploration. I was intrigued by the challenge of capturing moments and expressing emotions through pictures. Even normal day places seemed to open as I stood behind the lens and beauty that I had not noticed previously became magnified. Every street corner and every person I passed became a subject to explore.

For college I decided to attend John Brown University for two main reasons: My parents got a job there causing my tuition to be free for the first year and it just so happened that they had just started a photography program. I figured that was not coincidence but God pulling me to Arkansas. I became a photography major and dove into art classes. My sophomore year I was finally enrolled in my first photography class and I felt one step closer to my national geographic dream. A couple weeks into the semester everything changed, it was the period where there were two days left to drop a class and for some reason I was unsettled out of nowhere. Confused as to why I would feel this way I battled the thought that I needed to drop photography all together. I realized that I had been chasing after my own dreams and not asking God what he wanted for me.

So after a lot of struggle I dropped my photography class and I changed my major to Intercultural Studies. It seemed a little crazy at the time as I had already taken so many art classes and would have a lot of classes to make up for my new major. I wondered if would even be able to graduate on time. Well God of course was faithful and worked it all out, I was able to graduate in four years; which was a small miracle in itself. Now looking back I see that it was because of my change of major and the events that came after that I now find myself in Cambodia.

Yesterday God gave me an unexpected gift, he brought photography back into my life. I had the honor of photographing a Human Trafficking Member meeting put on by an organization here in Cambodia called, “Chab Dai.” I was able to witness the coalition of many Anti-Trafficking organizations in the city and document the union of passionate people sharing ideas on how to better stop the sex trade in Cambodia. As I held the camera and walked around the room, I felt very much alive. I was able to be a part of an issue I am passionate about and use an art form that I love to contribute in a small way. And because of that day, more opportunities came up for me to use photography! God is so intentional!

Now I see that there was a purpose in giving up one of my dreams and offering my passion of photography to the Lord. The track that I had put myself on was not headed to Cambodia and God and to derail me; which I did not understand at the time. I feel so blessed to have had my eyes opened yesterday and to see that the picture God is painting is so much bigger than anything I could imagine. God had to get me to a place where I held my hands wide open to him, offering all of my desires and wants. Now I see that He does not simply want to destroy my plans and take away things I want just for the heck of it but His plans are so much better! And he was the one who designed my heart and planted the passions that I have in the first place. I am able to live in Cambodia, doing what I love and in a way I could not have planned! Thank you Lord!

"Sometimes I do get to places just when God's ready to have somebody click the shutter."
Ansel Adams

I know less than I thought (Part 2)

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I know less than I thought (Part two)

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3

I stand in rags at the thrown

Very aware of my dirty face

Yet the king is smiling

No sign of disgrace

I tremble at his beauty

Weeping, I fall at his feet

What can I possibly do

for someone who died for me?

Thank you for being of this process with me as I wrestle with what it means to be poor in spirit. As I confessed in the first part of this blog, I do not have the answers but God has taken me on a journey and as I have been encouraged by many of you, I hope this can evoke your thoughts and encourage you all as well.

Poverty is the condition of having little. Those stuck in poverty are aware of their condition, they live in it and are reminded of it daily. I would guess that those who live in poverty have a deeper level of thankfulness for basic things that I take for granted all of the time. I don’t know what it is like to wonder when my next meal will be or where I will find shelter at night. Those who are stuck in poverty know their dependence, they know that their bodies need food and what it is like to not have it. And those who are able to escape poverty most likely have a higher level of appreciate in general.

Thinking about poverty and how it relates to my spirit took me face to face with the cross. It is easy to forget or to grow accustomed to hearing about the death of Jesus and the sacrifice he made on our behalf. We can’t let that happen! The reality is that He suffered more than we could ever understand or imagine in order to secure life and restoration for everyone. He came down from the thrown to the Lord’s footstool and he died for all of the footstool dwellers and in the most humble way.

The truth is that we all nailed Jesus to the cross. We are all responsible for his suffering and yet Jesus does not ask us to serve him out of guilt, all he wants is for us to choose him. If all Jesus did for us was to die and rise again that would be way more than enough. What is so wonderful about Jesus is that he does not stop there, he actively pursues, restores, redeems and blesses us daily.

So why do I have a spirit of entitlement so often? Why do I so quickly forget the weight of Jesus dying for me? That fact should rock my world every day and should be reflected in all of my actions. I should start every morning at his feet, humble and thankful and ready to serve him with everything. I need to recognize the condition of my flesh and my sin nature. Pride so easily gets in the way and blinds me. I want to learn how to posture my heart in humbleness. I want to see every breath I breathe as a gift and exude thankfulness with every word.

Lord forgive me. There is no way to thank you for what you did for me and yet you do not hold that against me. Thank you for loving me as much as you do. Help me to worship you with my life. Thank you Lord.

God does not need me

but he wants me

I belong to him and

yet he allows me to choose him

He does not ask for dry rituals

to pay back the price he paid

He sent his son to the grave

with the intention to save…me

All he wants is my love

freely and surely

He can work without me

but he chose to work through me

In my humanness I am messy

but a treasure is what he sees

He says that his grace and

mercy are sufficient for me

What can I do to pay back this king?

His blood was poured out in return for a ring

For I am his bride and I

freely believe

So I want my life to be worship,

through every breath that I breathe

If you have time, read this passage written by C.S.Lewis in Mere Christianity:

"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first -wanting to be the center- wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. . . . What Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they could 'be like gods'- could set up on their own as if they had created themselves- be their own master- invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we call human history- money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery- the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.

The reason why it can never succeed is this. God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other. That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.

That is the key to history, Terrific energy is expended- civilizations are built up- excellent institutions are devised; but each time something goes wrong. Some fatal flaw always brings the selfish and cruel people to the top and it all slides back into misery and ruin. In fact, the machine conks. It seems to start up all right and runs a few yards, and then it breaks down. They are trying to run it on the wrong juice. That is what Satan has done to us humans."

Welcome to my personal film reel

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 00:00:00 GMT

There are moments in life that I wish could be saved on film. How great would it be to sit down on a rainy afternoon, make some pop corn and choose a reel highlighting a meaningful or fun experience. You would be able to relive a moment or share it with loved ones who were not there. But the reality is we can’t do that; which makes those moments sweeter. You know that you will never experience it again and so you have to choose to enjoy it and be all present.

I have a feeling that my two years in Cambodia are going to be filled with those moments. Last weekend was an example of one of those experiences. Our Khmer teachers invited us to go out with them on Saturday night and experience different cultural events. Our first stop was a place called Diamond Island; which included a Khmer fashion show and booths full of colorful clothes and delicious samples. Our last stop was dinner at a night market located near the river front; where we were able to try different authentic Khmer food.

I rode with my teacher on her moto and right when we starting going the sky broke and heavy rain began to fall. We stopped and bought ponchos for twenty five cents and headed on our way, not letting the weather stop us. A lot of people probably would have thought that the rain was a nuisance but I loved it. Riding on the back of a moto, in the insane traffic, with the extra adventure factor of rain made me feel Khmer and absolutely immersed into the city life of Phnom Penh.

I have been learning so much from Khmer culture. Yes, Cambodia has its problems and issues with roots that go deep below the surface, but that is true of every culture. America has its own set of problems that are sometimes harder to see because they are not as blatant. It is not my intention to bash America, or Cambodia or any other country, my point is that we could learn valuable things from each other if we took the time to look.

Our Khmer teachers are so patient with us and hospitable every where we go. They watch out for us and embrace us in such as way that I don’t feel like a foreigner. They are so generous with everything that they have and quick to share. They are curious about American’s and make me laugh harder than a lot of people. They are full of life and so easy to hang out with, even if we don't always understand each other when we speak. On our way home from our evening adventure our motos stayed together in a cluster and we sang Justin Beiber (not my choice but it was hilarious) songs back and forth as we passed each other in the traffic. I felt honored to spend time with them as friends and was filled and encouraged.

It has been about seven weeks now since moving to Cambodia and that time has been packed with so many experiences that it feels more like 14 weeks. I have felt deep heartbreak for the people of Cambodia but also a deep love. I have seen soul saddening things but then I have had soul filling moments that make me so thankful to be here. Yes I came to be used by God in any way that he wills but I am also here to learn. Every encounter with people can be used as an opportunity to share Christ, but it would be naive of me to think I am bringing Christ to this country. He is already here, walking the streets disguised by the faces of local Khmer people and He has so much he wants to teach me.

I know less than I thought (Part 1)

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I looked out the bus window and watched as a little boy stood on his tip toes, picking through a garbage can. People and moto’s whirled around him not seeming to notice as old leftovers made their way to his mouth in a slow robotic motion. This is the scene that is played over and over again all around Cambodia, it is normal here.

There is no lack of poverty and it is more complex than what I have ever been exposed to, even after growing up in a third world country. Every day I am introduced to a new face of poverty; whether it is an old woman begging for food, a child on the street or a prostitute on a bench. I am greeted by these faces at the market, walking home, on tuk tuk rides and when I pass beer gardens and brothels. Poverty is definitely not something to be desired. I have wrestled with this mass web of poverty ever since the first day of being here and so when I read, Matthew 5:2 the other day it jolted me and brought up many thoughts and questions.

“Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”

I struggle with feeling helpless as I have encounters with the poverty of those around me. I wrestle with how to respond and what I can do. Does giving money or food help or hurt? How can I be the one to decide? How can I buy comforts for myself such as coffee knowing there are people who need food? How can I help them the most? How can I best show them the love of Christ? And the questions go on and on.

And I would like to confess something really quickly that may shock some of you: I do not have it figured out and I doubt I ever will completely. This is something I know I will continue to wrestle with. I cannot create a pretty formula of what to do in those situations. And if I wrote a manual labeled, “How to respond to poverty” I would be very naive and I would be quenching the Holy Spirit. I have actually found that it is in those encounters with the faces of poverty that I see my deep need of the Spirit and my own poverty is exposed.

So what does it mean to be poor in spirit? What did Jesus intend that to look like when he said it? How could something that is so devastating be a desired attribute of my spirit? How do I strive for that? What would my life look like if I practiced being poor in spirit?

Well Instead of projecting all of my thoughts in this one massive blog and overwhelming everyone, I am going to post the second part of this soon. I want to leave you with this for now and invite you into my process. I will post my other thoughts soon as I work through them and continue in this journey of learning. Take some time to think about how your life would look if you were poor in spirit and how you can put that into practice. And please share your thoughts with me and your own questions.

~~To be continued....~~

Water of Life

Thu, 6 Oct 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Thursday nights in Cambodia are quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I wish everyone could experience the sweetest worship service that takes place in a church down the street from out house. The building also acts as a boys home, and is called “Water of Life.” There is an orphanage close by and on Thursday nights the older kids lead a worship service for the younger ones.

I love pulling up to the front of the building and immediately hearing the life and joy that is inside. The entry way is always filled with a sea of little shoes and right when anyone comes inside, they are flocked by the owners of those shoes. Watching the kids worship always ministers to my soul in a way I can’t explain. I always feel quieted, humbled, filled and leave overflowing with life. The relationships and friendships that are being made there are such a blessing to me and I am so thankful.

Tonight I was especially captivated by one of the little boys. This little boy lookes like a burn victim or some kind of terrible accident. He has no fingers and his hands literally look like tree branches. I had seen him the two other times I had come but tonight I could not stop watching him. I was amazed by his joy and the way he lit up the room. Watching him worship was absolutely beautiful and you could literally see Christ in him. There was no bitterness in his eyes about his physical condition; which I am sure is a struggle. He stood on the stage of the little room and just sang his heart out. We would make eye contact and he would smile and just keep singing louder and louder. All of the kids there love him and joke with him because his joy is contagious. He has definitely moved and inspired me.

And then there was another little boy who I noticed the first time. When I first saw him he was sitting on the stage, hands clasped together and eyes shut as tight as possible singing to Jesus with everything he had. I have not seen little kids worship like this, and he is an orphan, how convicting! I was drawn to him because he reminded me of my older brother Jonathan when we were little because of the way he looks; which made me love him immediately. Tonight he ran to me and grabbed my hand and then he made sure I had a pillow to sit on during the service. He sat down next to me and then one of the little girls plopped herself in my lap and snuggled up for the rest of the service. These kids have stolen my heart.

The other day I watched a little boy eat food out of garbage. He was on his tip toes trying to get to the scraps. My team and I are exposed to sights like that daily. Every day I see people in what seems like hopeless situations. My heart breaks all of the time because I feel powerless to save them all. But God is teaching me to hand over that burden and respond as He leads because I am not able to carry it on my own. But then I am able to see the light in the darkness by His grace. There is such a cycle of violence in the Cambodian families and I am excited for these children from Water of Life to grow up and make a difference in this country. They are passionate for Jesus and are going out to make him known to their own people. What a beautiful thing to see! God has been and definitely is working in Cambodia. I am looking forward to telling more stories of hope.

Holy Ground

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

In Cambodia it is customary to take off your shoes before entering someone’s home and especially before entering places of worship. This shows respect and portrays that you are entering sacred ground.

On Sunday, a pastor of a local Khmer church here made the point that if all Jesus did for us was die, that would be way more than enough. And yet we always ask him for things in such a way that portrays entitlement. The truth is that we deserve death but God is full of compassion and grace.

Here in Cambodia there are many rituals that go along with the religion of Buddhism, especially at different times in the year. (It my goal to understand Buddhism better so I can understand better. So if any one knows of a good book to read please let me know.) Right now we are in the middle of a spiritual holiday that lasts fifteen days called, “Bonn Pchum Ben.” It is believed that during this time, the spirits of ancestors return to earth. People travel to pagodas (temples) to make offerings of food, incense and money to ease spirits’ burden.

I went and observed this today and it was definitely a new experience. We were able to talk to the monks (which was interesting because of my very limited Khmer), sit in the pagoda and watch the different ceremonies. What struck me was that there are so many rituals that people dutifully perform but they all seem so empty, out of obligation, and fear. I watched the monks eyes as they chanted and I did not see life, I saw.... nothing.

My heart broke as I kept thinking about Jesus, how he died for all of them and yet they had no idea. And all Jesus wants in return is their hearts and for them to know him. I also felt convicted and thought about all of times I have put off spending time with Jesus. But God also doesn’t want to guilt us into a relationship with him. God... sent his son to die for me and he does not desire me to be a slave to rituals, seeking to pay him back. The truth is there is nothing I could ever do that would amount to what he did for me. All he wants from me is to seek him. How freeing is that? And that is what inspires me to seek him more. My love is definitely not out of obligation but thankfulness...

In fearing God we do not need to live in fear of God. There is a huge difference. Rituals out of fear are rooted in guilt and not love. We need to learn how to fear and love God. We need to practice taking off our shoes and approach the thrown of the creator of the universe. This should affect the way we pray, not demanding things but praying for his will. I would love to see the trend of taking off shoes spread to churches in the States. I love the symbolism of coming humbly before God and literally showing him the respect he deserves and yet does not demand.

Prayer

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Sometimes it is hard to know what to write when there is soooo much on my heart. So for now, I thought I would share a prayer I wrote in my journal. I will write more soon.

Lord, you did not call me to Cambodia to be comfortable. Growth happens in the mist of ~~discomfort~~. You care about my heart and what flows from it. Make that my concern. Mold me to be more like you...

You are breaking my heart for what breaks yours. How many times have I prayed for that in the past? But as my heart breaks on a daily basis by what I see I pray that you will hold my heart. I know I can’t carry these burdens on my own.

You and I are in a dance together in the middle of complete brokenness and crisis. But I refuse to turn away from your face. I will keep my eyes and heart transfixed on you. Instead of looking at the orphan children, the women in the bars, and the men with hopelessness I will look for you.

Instead of grieving the conditions of Cambodia I will choose to find hope. Help me to to see you in this place. Help me to respond the way you would in every situation. Never let me become consumed with helplessness or legalism. Lead my steps. Lead my actions. Open my eyes.

Fill me up with you so that I can be poured out. Help me to learn how to approach your thrown. Thank you for always meeting me where I am and for being so completely faithful to me.

Grow my faith Lord. Help me to trust in you and your power. Please clean me on a daily basis. Flush anything out that is not you. Help my purpose to be from you. Take away any selfish motivation. Help me to place myself in a position daily before you so that you can transform me.

You are refining me in love. Thank you for pursuing me every day and for being there when I look for you and even when I forget to look.

"As my heart longs for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God." Ps. 42: 1,2

Thoughts from a red light district

Sun, 11 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I stood between two men on the street of a red light district in Phnom Penh. My skin was crawling and I felt sick. Tons of older, foreign men strolled the streets with young Khmer girls on their arms or trailing a couple steps behind. Every minute a man was leading a girl into the guest houses next to the club and I shivered as I thought about what was going on in the rooms.

The reality of their situation hit me as I stood between the two men and would get glances from various men on the street. For a second I was able to put myself in the place of the women. What if I was on the street that night, forced to provide for my family and told selling my body was the only way? As every man walked by me I thought about the anxiety the girls must feel before “being selected.”

What would it feel like to not be seen as a person with value but as a way to satisfy a “need”. There is no difference between me and those women and yet I found myself between two men who were there to minister to the men. I was safe and all of these girls were not...

As I looked around the brokenness covered me like a thick blanket. I felt suffocated.

“Lord, Lord, Lord....no no no...”

That was all I could pray as I watched more men leading girls away. One of the men from my group drew my attention to a song called “House of the Rising Sun” that was coming from one of the clubs. The song is about prostitution which was ironic but even more ironic was that the song, “Amazing Grace” can be sung over it because it has a similar melody. So our group of three we began singing Amazing Grace with the song about prostitution.

Going into the evening I had prayed that I would not be overcome with anger towards the men but that I could see them with His eyes and realize that they are a products of brokenness. I thought about that as we sang the lines, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.”

Ah! There is HOPE!

Really, none of us are deserving of grace. It is easy to place judgement on outward evil, such as these foreign men paying to have sex with the Khmer girls. But I realized that there is hope and there is forgiveness. God wants to give redemption not only the women but to the men. These men are broken and hurting and they need Jesus as much as any of us do. A lot of the men we talked to that night confessed to feelings of loneliness and hurt, not that that excuses their behavior but they have intense voids. Nothing can fill the emptiness and brokenness expect for Christ.

I left that night of ministry with a new urgency. An urgency for the women, an urgency for the children, an urgency for the men to find restoration and healing but ultimately an urgency to share Christ. That is where is the power is. My prayer is that God will raise up the men in Cambodia and that many will come to Christ, causing change in their culture that currently allow such atrocities to take place. Thank you Lord, that you have and will continue to move.

“Look among the nations and be see;

wonder and be astounded.

For I am doing a work in your days,

that you would not believe if told.”

-Habakkuk 1: 5

Dear little girl with the bruises

Sat, 10 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Dear little girl with the bruises,

You have become the background of a chaotic city

Selling bracelets to provide

Your box is full of books but no one is teaching you to read

What are your bruises from little girl?

The red hand marks on your chest

Are they the result of a strange medical myth?

Scraping coins on your body to bring out disease?

Or were my first thoughts correct?

The thoughts that sent my heart to the ground

You are exposed to the unthinkable

Roaming the streets with no defense

Has your innocence and vulnerability attracted evil men?

Who will be your voice little girl?

Who will tell you that you are beautiful

without wanting anything in return?

I sit with your bracelet on my wrist

The one you chose with excitement and joy

I can’t help thinking of you little girl

One of many unprotected in the night

My payers are with you precious one

LORD, protect her tonight

Lists

Thu, 1 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Here are a few of my favorite (Cambodian) things..

Getting fruit in the markets

   Eating ice cream for 70 cents a scoop.

   Food is great and meals are cheap

Meeting strangers by trying to practice Khmer

Crossing streets and getting dodged by tuk tuks and motor cycles

   The rain is extra wonderful

      There is respect for elders

  Living with 5 amazing women

   Khmer people are very hospitable

   I got to try Khmer Curry and loved it!!!!

   I love living simply and could definitely work on living even simpler

There is a sign on our street that says, “ Jesus Christ has Eternal Life”

Interruptions or God moments?

Thu, 1 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

On the plane ride from Seattle to Korea my ball point pen exploded. I was frustrated because it was the only pen I had with me and I wanted to write about everything that was happening, not to mention black ink was everywhere! Ugg! So I sat back for a moment and the girl sitting next to me asked me where I was going and what I was doing. We had exchanged smiles previously and a little bit of conversation, but this question turned into a forty minute conversation and spontaneous conversations throughout the flight. We became friends. She had just finished school in Seattle and was going back to Malaysia where she was from. Her parents are Buddhist and she recently became a Christian. We had a really good conversation where we both were encouraged and I realized if my pen had not exploded I would have buried myself in my journal and missed out. So thank you God for allowing my pen to explode.

This morning during my teams prayer time I asked God to interrupt our days with divine appointments. It is easy to get caught up in the details of the day and interruptions become annoying. I wanted to be on God’s schedule and not my own. He answered my prayer. This afternoon I was walking back to our house by myself from Jars of Clay and found myself locked out of the house. My teammates were napping and unable to hear the door bell and then it began to rain. I held my laptop and wondered what I should do. And all of a sudden all the men on the street stopped and just starred at the white girl standing helpless in the rain; which probably was very entertaining. So I ended up at our land ladies gate and got her attention. She ran out and ushered me into her home. We sat in her living room for a while in comical conversation full of broken English, broken Khmer and hand gestures. I loved it. We were able to connect and enjoy each other. If I had not been locked outside I would have missed out on building a relationship with her. These situations seem to becoming a trend...

From this point on I am determined to welcome situations that seem inconvenient and embrace the divine interruption.

First Cambodian Post

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

While my friends and family are sleeping in their beds at home in the US I am surrounded by the liveliness of city life in Asia. At this moment I am in a coffee shop in Phnom Pehn. (I am happy to have already discovered a good coffee shop where I can recharge. It was definitely a gift.) The name of the coffee shop is "Jars of Clay" and it is run by believers. They help at risk women provide for themselves and get out of the sex trade. Combine good coffee with redemption work and you have a pretty amazing thing in my book. My teammates and I discovered this place as we were walking to the Russian Market where we bought supplies for our house. Right now it is Cambodia's "winter" and yet I am very thankful to escape the heat and humidity for a little while and take some time to process everything.

It is hard to put into words what has been running through my head the past couple of hours. I have been silently absorbing everything and breathing it all in. The city is colorful and fast paced. Motor cycles and tuk tuks rule the streets. The sound of honking, roosters, barking dogs and the clanging of construction create a symphony that is uniquely Phnom Pehn. The air smells sweet and hangs heavy. This is my home for the next two years.

The sex trade still does not seem real to me. I have a feeling that that is going to change very soon. Walking around I look at every shop, every home and wonder what is really going on inside. At night a row of coffee shops by our house are used as brothels and the women sit outside waiting for their clients. Some shops advertise back rooms that are used for sex by hanging Christmas decor outside. At night it is not hard to find the brothels, pink lit rooms with lots of men going in and out. It is hard for me to fathom that girls are being used and abused just down the street from our house. On the outside the Khmer people are so friendly and inviting and it is hard for me to believe that they could be involved with the sex trade but the truth is that a lot of them are.

Language school starts next week; which I am excited about. There is so much I want to say to people and feel handicapped by language. I know that it is going to take time to learn but I am ready to start the process. Each of us are going to find our own internship and get involved with different organizations in the city. I am so curious about what my role is going to be. I would love to work with kids and help them see their value and do prevention work, or do bar ministry and actually be a part of rescue, or I would love to do counseling and art therapy. There are so many needs and I can't wait to see what God has specifically for me.

God is so good. My heart beat seems to match the rhythm of this place. I know that I am supposed to be here and I am so excited to see why.

Over sharing? I hope so.

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

The reality of the women trapped in the sex trade hits me at different moments throughout the day. My eyes have been opened and I look at everything differently. Seeing billboards that advertise Adult Superstores send an even more repulsed shiver down my spine. Songs that refer to “hoes”

and “pimps” in such a light manner make my heart sick. And after hearing about the trafficking that takes place in the US at the hands of truck drivers I have to remind myself that not all truck drivers are participating or even aware and I cannot lecture them all.

And then sometimes I have moments where I try and imagine what it would be like to be a girl stuck in thesex industry. For example the other day I had to get a physical at a women’s clinic; which is something I dread and promise not to write about in detail. But a thought struck me as I sat uncomfortably in the small room waiting for the doctor to come in. I felt very vulnerable, exposed and anxious as I waited for my examination. I began to think of all the women and children who at that moment were also waiting in rooms. (Filthy, dingy rooms without a view.) They were not going to be seen by a trust-worthy doctor but men who would use and abuse them in ways we

cannot begin to imagine. My trivial amount of anxiety could in no way relate to theirs. My discomfort was for the purpose of heath and yet for them there is no purpse, they are used for someone else's gain and all they receive is pain...soul penetrating pain. I felt a tiny bit exposed and yet these women are completely exposed, defenseless and ever so violated. My discomfort lasted 10 minutes and theirs lasts for what must seem like an eternity.

I write about these kinds of things not to “over share” but to create awareness and understanding. We have to get involved. Their freedom is so important and the hope of eternity of complete redemption though Christ. My team is wanting to mobilize people to get involved. If you want to help in anyway please feel free to contact me. There is so much that is being done and so much that needs to be done. Let Christ make a difference in you. And don't ever forget that it could be you in the filthy room....but its not and there is a reason for that.

My email: laurenlouisestuck@gmail.com

Let me tell you some stories about God...

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Last summer I has the amazing opportunity to work in Brooklyn, New York. I lived on 59th street and 8th Avenue; which over the years has basically become another China town. (Foreshadowing of the future? Maybe.) Needless to say, I loved the location but at the beginning of the summer I did not love my job description.

Going into the summer I was definitely not prepared for everything that I was going to have to do. I had a fear of public speaking (which I was cured of..haha) and I was far from being an organized person. (Kind of cured of) Both of those skills were required daily and I felt a little intimidated. My position was kids club coordinator and I felt overwhelmed. I had two weeks before the kids club would start and I had to find kids. (Kids are important for a kids club apparently) So I started going around the neighborhood, advertising, and talking to parents and kids.

One Sunday I got the opportunity to speak at a church about the kids club with the hope of recruiting helpers and goes. I had not met the pastor, just talked to him on the phone, and I had never been to the church. But I felt like this was important and that God wanted me to do it. (I dreaded the speaking part)

The morning started out in a rough manner. I woke up and threw up. After sitting in the kitchen for a while completely nauseous, I tried to gather any strength I had and figure out where this church was. Sunday’s were also my laundry days where I would take my clothes over to the Chinese Laundry mat and give them my quarters in exchange for my clean clothes. But this particular morning I was sick and I had no quarters and needed to get going. These were small things but I committed them to God and headed towards the church.

I got to the Methodist church and walked in through the front doors. I will never forget the sight inside. The pastor, who looked like Santa, was wearing a traditional robe and he was playing an electric guitar. But that is not he sight that I was not prepared for. I looked around the Church and found that I was very out of place. The congregation were all Indian (India Indian) and they were all dressed in traditional Indian clothes. I sat down by a nice Indian couple and waited for the pastor to call me up front. (I had no idea when he was planning to do that...) He eventually called me up and I talked about myself and about kids clubs.

After the service a man walked up to me and gave me an envelope. He told me to open it later and he walked away. Curiously I waited to open it outside and I was shocked by the contents. Folded in the paper was the exact amount I needed to do laundry. There is no way that man could have known I needed that to wash my clothes. That is the way God works. He calls us to obedience and to do things that are scary to us but then he provides...even for unimportant things like laundry.

Yesterday I had another experience like this. One of our family friends invited me to speak at her church and share about Cambodia and the sex trade. She said that they wanted to take an offering for me. (Which is always welcome news) So I went to their church not knowing what to expect. I was $400 away from being fully supported and I wondered if I would be able to meet that goal. (This is a church of about 50) The powerpoint that I had prepared decided not to work and so I decided that either technology hated me or God had another plan. (Probably both)

I was able to share for a couple of minutes and show a video of the ministry in Cambodia. After I spoke they took an offering for me, I was very touched and yet did not know what to expect. Some of the men went to add up everything and with excitement announced that it was $2, 500. I was shocked. And then there was more, people ran up after to give more and so I got the check and $140 in cash...I hardly had words to express my gratitude. I left church feeling almost dizzy with blessing.

This is the God that we serve. All I needed was $400 and he gave me $2, 640. He gives us so much more than we deserve. But it takes stepping out in faith a little bit; which can be scary sometimes. If we don’t step out then we won’t have opportunities to have God blow our minds. All summer God provided in amazing ways and showed his faithfulness. And then one week before I leave for Cambodia He completely covered me in blessing. I feel so humbled and so grateful to serve him. And that is why I want to live every day in such a way that gives back to him. This is what I need to be reminded of when I get to Cambodia and days are hard. Clearly this is what God wants and he has blessed it beyond measure.

What will you do?

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Tonight my family and I went to see, “The Help.” (If you have not watched the movie or read the book please take caution in reading this post, I don’t want to spoil anything for you.) I really enjoy stories that revolve around social conflict or injustice. Not that I like the con-

flict and injustice, I am a fan of the heros and heroines who stand up for the oppressed and speak out for justice. I am inspired by their courage and optimism of changing the situation. Those are the kinds of stories that we can learn from and are worth being told.

Often I wish I could enter various times in history and join the battle against injustice. I wish I could go back to world war II and be the person that hid Jews in her basement and opposed the Nazis. I wish I could go back to 1968

and speak out against racism, the absurd lie that white skin is better than black skin. There are so many instances in our human history where humans try and dominate other humans. They use violence and evil to try and strip value from each other. This all comes from Satan...and humans believing untruth. He wants us to believe his lies; such as the Arian race are the valuable ones. He wants us to think that a certain skin color is better than another. That a certain country is better than its neighbor. He wants us to believe that a certain gender is superior or more valuable than the opposite. Every act of injustice comes from a lie that came from the pit of hell. We have to make war against those lies.

I talked about how I wish I could go back in time, make a difference and stand up against injustice. Well that opportunity has come, now in 2011. We live

in an age where there are more slaves than there were in the peak of the trans Atlantic slave trade. Women and children are being sold for sex. Boys are being dressed as girls and prostituted out to men. Every day they are being stripped of their value and this makes Satan very happy. Please take this as a challenge to open your eyes and see what is going on in our world. We must do something and not just stand by and watch.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a clergyman who stood up to Hitler, and he made a very insightful comment. "The time is fulfilled for the German people of Hitler. It is because of Hitler that Christ, God the helper and redeemer, has become effective among us. … Hitler is the way of the Spirit and the will of God for the German people to enter the Church of Christ." God can use anything to bring his people to him and to spread the gospel. He can use evil and injustice in the world to gain the upper hand and still help and redeem. (What a powerful God we serve!!) That quote hit me because God can use the sex trade to bring people to him. But it takes people standing up against it and battling the lie that these women and children do not have any value to make any kind of a difference.

At the end of “The Help,” one of the main characters, Aibileen quotes,
“No one asked me what it was like to be me. When they did, I became

free.” I am so excited to get to Cambodia and sit down with women and listen to their stories. But they need more than just a listening ear, they need their stories to be known by the world and ultimately they need to know how valuable they are. That message, the one that beats all ofSatan’s lies, comes from Christ alone. So let us not be silent and passively watch from the side lines. We have an opportunity now, today, in 2011 to make a difference. Please...join the fight.

Repairer of Broken Walls

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

This is a passage that is engraved on my heart. It is also the perfect mission statement for my team in Cambodia. I want to wake up every morning with this as the focus.

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen

to loose the chains of injustice and untie the chords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to

provide the poor wander with shelter-

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and to not turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your

healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the Lord with answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say:

‘Here am I.’

If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the

needs of the oppressed,

Then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become lie the noonday.

The Lord will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will

strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwelling.”

-Isaiah 58: 6-12

My life as a Cross Stitch

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Once I heard someone say that there are periods in life that resemble the backside of a cross stitch pattern. All you can see is a mess of knots and thread but when you look at it from the top you see a completely different picture and it all makes sense. After a period of time where I was only looking up and seeing knots I have finally gotten a view of the bigger picture.

I am sitting on my comfortable couch in Kansas City, Missouri trying to process everything that has taken place. The past couple months feel like a whirl wind of decisions and crazy events. So far in 2011 I have graduated from college, nannied in Arkansas, turned 22, visited New York, decided to move to Cambodia, sold my car and started the process of packing my life into two suitcases.

At different points I felt like I was trudging through the unknown blind and unaware, not sure of what was going to happen and without any kind of a plan. I made choices and I experienced different things. I met people and lived in various places. With every encounter God stitched another desire or passion in my heart, preparing me for....something. I got to know myself better but ultimately I got to know God better. By “better” I learned that there is so much more to him than I could every understand. The crazy thing about God is that He knew the whole time that I would end up here on my couch, thinking about the past and preparing to move to Cambodia in 15 days...and he was a part of every detail that led to this moment .

The thing is, God answers our prayers before we even pray them. (How else would he have brought together a team of 6 women who are so similar and have hearts for taking Christ to the broken? I grew up in Ecuador and everyone else on my team grew up in different homes, in different states, with different families and yet we find ourselves together now ready to embark on this mission. God is a genius, an artist, a conductor and cross stitcher if you will... And he is so faithful when we obey. I am so excited to see what God has for my team in Cambodia. I love that I can go in confidence, knowing that after graduating, selling my car, raising support and moving to Cambodia there is a beautiful picture on the opposite side of the madness of threads.

Letter to self

Sat, 30 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Dear Lauren,

In less than a month you will be walking new streets in Cambodia. You will see things that you have never seen before and experience things that you will never forget. You will have the opportunity to live and work with beautiful women of faith and you will all impact each other. You will be faced with gut wrenching injustice and you will feel so small. You will meet people who are in pain and you will want to give them the world but when you have to walk away you will experience heart break. And yet you will have an opportunity to understand hope when surrounded by darkness.

When confronted with all of these things you will have two very important choices. Will you despair in your weakness and leave frustrated or disillusioned? Or will you choose to hold on to truth and find joy in the midst of pain and ultimately choose Christ? If you go to Cambodia thinking you will change the culture you will be disappointed and discouraged. BUT if you go knowing that Christ in you can change the culture you will find great joy and great peace. If you go thinking you are going to accomplish great things (selfishly) then you will wear out quickly. But if you take each day and walk by the Spirit you cannot go wrong. If you look at every face as an opportunity to show God’s love it will be worth the hard times you will encounter.

When you miss loved ones and home see that as an opportunity to choose Christ. Embrace the pain but be thankful that God has put people in your life that you love so dearly that you would miss them. Know that that is a rare gift. Take that love for your family and pour it on your team and on all of the people around you. Use every opportunity to make war against the enemy. Remember what Christ did for you on the cross and the power of his blood.

Every day will be a struggle to have the right attitude and heart. Every day you will need to start face down at the cross clinging to Jesus. Recognize your dependence on the Spirit and how God wants to work in you. Don’t become passive when you don’t see immediate change but stay rooted in truth and know that all things all possible through Christ.

When you see suffering hold fast to God. Remember how much the suffering hurts his heart and don’t become bitter. See the suffering as an opportunity to share Christ and see the power of restoration. Never ever forget that you are fighting a battle on the winning side. No matter what happens you are a part of something bigger and more powerful than you could every imagine. God is on your side.

If you ever doubt why you are in Cambodia read your journals and remember all of the amazing things God did to get you there. Know that it is not a mistake and that God has a plan. You are part of his story. When you grow weary remember...

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.

Lamentations 3: 24

Never loose your excitement and joy. And always hope in Christ.

With love,

The Pre- Cambodian Lauren

From Savages to Men

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

In their language their name meant, “~~savage~~.” In the middle of the Ecuadorian jungle there was no peace. The Indians went to sleep wondering if that night would be their last or if their children would be taken into the darkness either by other families in their tribe or by their cousin tribe. The witch doctors had a hold over the people and caused fear and violence. This was the situation the Indians face on a daily basis and they were ruled by war.

In 1902 the first missionaries made contact with the Indians and introduced them to the gospel. My grandparents went on the field in 1958 and by the 1960’s the fighting had ceased between the Indian groups. My parents also worked with the Indians and their cousin tribe. By then they had abandoned their name of “savage” and adopted the name, “Shuar,” which means "man". This group has gone from killing each other to embracing each other and choosing peace. There is hope and a message that can melt the hearts of men.

So fast forward to present day and imagine yourself walking the the streets of Phnom Phen, Cambodia. You see foreign men groping young Cambodian girls. You see boys dressed like girls being robbed of their identity and being prostituted out to men. Looking around you see girls going into bars with their clients preparing for what will happen next. You are approached by a man and he has pictures of girls. The ages range between 5 and 16 and you can choose what kind of nationality you want. They also have virgins if you pay a higher price. I hope that makes your stomach churn the way mine does. This is the reality:

“Human trafficking, also known as modern-day slavery, is the fastest-growing criminal industry in the world, based on the recruitment, harboring, and transportation of people solely for the purpose of exploitation. 27 million men, women, and children are enslaved in our world today, 80% of which are women and 50% children.” (http://adventures.org/cambodia/)

The numbers are staggering and the evil is suffocating and yet there is hope. The weapon that we have to melt the heart of a culture is the gospel. We have a message of love and grace and that can change a people group. There is restoration for those who have had their innocence ripped away. And for those who are responsible for the “ripping” there is forgiveness along with restoration as well.

Change is possible. I have complete confidence in that by hearing the stories my parents tell of the Shuar. But my confidence is not in man because lets be honest...we are depraved and fallen. I can do absolutely nothing in my own power. My confidence is in the power of my Lord. A God who loves us so much that He sent His only son, who was sinless to die so that we may have life. I get shivers thinking about telling that to a woman who is told she is worth $15 for an hour of using her body. Or a man who uses his own power to injure women and children.

“Look among the nations, and see: wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days, that you would not believe if told.” Habakkuk 1: 5

This is the promise that we have. God used His gospel to create peace in people known as savages and made them see their need of Him. I have confidence that He is working in Cambodia and only He can bring change that is desperately needed. But there is a call to obedience to us. God is inviting us to be a part of his story and that looks different for everyone but we are called to some kind of action. For me it is to go to Cambodia. For some of you it is to send. But action is required and God’s story is beautiful, will you be a part of it?

Off to Canada...

Fri, 15 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I was talking to a good friend on the phone today and he made a very profound point. If you pray for patience, God does not gift you with patience. He gives you a situation in which you have the choice how you will react; whether that is patience or not. He gives you situations where you are stretched with the intent that you will grow and become more like Him. But we don't just get a free hand out.

I have prayed to be bold and God does not just zap me with “boldness” he puts me in situations where I have a choice to be comfortable or uncomfortable, and when I choose uncomfortable I am one step closer to being “bolder.” This is something I am learning in regards to support raising. I pray that God will grow my faith and yet I complain when support raising is hard or get anxious when the money doesn’t come in as fast I hoped. But I am learning something very valuable and that is complete trust. Complete abandon; which some days can be painful. But it is worth it.

Tomorrow I am going on a road trip with my family. We are driving all the way to Ontario from Missouri where we will stay in cabins in the wilderness. There will be no internet and no phone service. Just me, my family and the wilderness. My first reaction (and my parents can tell you about the face I made when I found out) was to think about support raising and how I need my computer and I need my phone, and I became very tense very fast. But then I felt God asking me if I trust him, and I felt like I doubted a very valuable gift. And it is silly not to believe that he wants the best for me, he has provided so much already and in immeasurable ways. And yet I am a little nervous, to be honest.

So here I go. Off to Canada where my faith will be tested. And yet I know that God is faithful and I have so much hope.

22

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

A year ago I was celebrating my birthday in Brooklyn with dear old friends along with very dear new ones. I had made it halfway through a “Youthworks” summer and was falling in love with New York more and more every day. But more than falling in love with the city my heart was stolen by the people that I had the honor of meeting over the summer months. Going into that summer I had no idea what to expect. There was no way to predict that I would acquire a bubble tea addiction, that I would learn to parallel park a mini van, that I would learn to shop for 70 + people or that I would end up not being able to eat sloppy joe’s for months. There was no way to know that I would meet one of my best friends and that we would laugh harder than I knew was possible. There was no way to prepare myself for falling in love with the kids in the park or the gut retching feeling of having to leave them at the end of the summer. God so very intentionally sent me to New York and the heart that he gave me connected with it in a very unique way and part of it stayed there.

Yesterday I celebrated another birthday, this time with a similar mix of friends in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Yet again, God intentionally pulled me here for the summer and it has been a sweet summer full of surprises. God has given me a wonderful living situation as I prepare to move to Cambodia in August. And as I reflect previous summer’s I have great hope for this coming year. I know that God has hand picked our team and I am so excited to walk through the next two years with them. I know that we are going to face challenges but I know that Christ can help us overcome. There is no way to really prepare for what is waiting for me in Cambodia. I am expecting a lot of laugher and a lot of tears. I am expecting overwhelming joy and overwhelming heart break. I am expecting to encounter deep beauty and deep evilness. I am expecting to fall in love with the people and yet be heartbroken by them at the same time. I expect God to use me in my weakness and grow me more into the woman he wants me to be.This is going to be a year of learning and exploration. 22 is going to be a good year...

Dear woman by the pool...

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Friday was Judea’s (my niece) third birthday and to celebrate we all decided to go swimming. When I opened the gate to the pool and stepped inside I was confronted by a clothed figure sitting, feet in the water. In the Arkansas heat a woman sat under yards of fabric watching her three sons swim in their underwear.

Thoughts were swirling in my head. I was suddenly very aware of the two piece under my tank top and panicked a little bit at the idea of getting in the pool. I found myself feeling very inappropriate and wondering what the woman would think of me.

I made my way to the shallow end where the woman was and smiled at her as I got into the water to help Connor put on water floaties. There was no judgement in her eyes as she smiled warmly back. We talked a little bit (she was just learning English) and I found out that she was from the middle east and just moved to Arkansas. The language barrier put a hold on our conversation but we were still connected. I wanted to know her story. As she left I had so many questions about her life.

I could be that woman. I could have been born in the middle east, in an IDP camp in Africa or even in a brothel in Cambodia. There is no difference between me and any other woman in the world. We were all created in God’s image and because of that we are under attack by the enemy. But for some reason I am sitting in Arkansas with the life that I have. I have a bed to sleep in tonight and I have a wonderful family but there are so many people who don’t have those things.

One reason I feel so passionate about the ministry in Cambodia is that I am responsible. I want to be a voice for women who can’t speak for themselves and I want to see Christ penetrate their hearts. In the craziness of nannying and support raising, the calling that God has on my life is getting me through. When I get discouraged I think of all the women in Cambodia who need freedom and need to know about how much Christ loves them.

I was not able to know the story of the woman by the pool but I am so excited for all of the stories that are waiting for me in Cambodia. And I will be a voice for them! More soon!

Sold to a Brothel

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

It seems that a lot of my team members have been having dreams relating to the ministry we will be joining in Cambodia. I think this shows that this is close to our hearts and our thoughts. I had one of those dreams last night, woke up and cried.

In my dream I was sold to a brothel. I was waiting in a dirty room with five other girls. Every time a client would come into the room I would hide my face hoping that they would not pick me. The suspense of whether the client would choose me or not was terrifying and unbearable. And then there was the guilt that if it was not me, it would be one of the other girls. All I remember from my dream was old and disfigured men. I kept trying to think of excuses to get out of being chosen but then the brothel owner realized what I was doing and handed me over to a client saying I had to get it over with. And then my escape was waking up.

That was a small glimpse into the reality of girl’s lives in Cambodia and all over the world. I wish I could emphasize that more and make it seem more real. I do not know what it is like to be forced to have sex multiple times a day. I don’t know what it is like to be abused into submission. The age of the girls is getting younger and younger. Men want to sleep with virgins because of the myth that they can be cured of aids, think about the ramifications of that. I just wrote about my nieces third birthday in my last blog. Every time I look at my nieces I can’t help but see the faces of thousands of other little girls who are abused and used as a commodity and I wish they could be loved the way my two precious nieces are.

Since I am a recent college grad I hear the question, “So what are you going to do?” almost every day. I can’t tell you how many times the tone of the conversation changes drastically when I mention Cambodia and the sex trade. I have had a lot of encouraging responses but it is a hard topic and I am not surprised when people want to change the subject or forget about it later. And I don’t mean to focus on the sad and depressing part because there is the beauty and power of the hope that Christ has to offer. My point is that we need to step up and take this issue seriously. It can’t simply be a trend or a hot topic. We must make battle against the enemy. And we must talk about these things because life is so much more than being comfortable.

There are girls out there sitting in the dirty rooms in my dream, but they cannot wake up. That is their reality. What are we going to do about it?

A letter to my beautiful team...

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 00:00:00 GMT

This morning I wrote a letter to my team and wanted to share it on my blog. We need prayers while we are preparing to go and so I thought I would share this letter so that the prayer needs could be shared with all of you. And I also wanted to share a testimony of God's faithfulness.

Hello Lovely Team!!

I am sitting at a coffee shop after a meeting with one of my pastors and I felt that I should write you lovely girls. :) I know there is a lot of anxiety going on and so I just wanted to encourage you and preach to myself a little bit because I have been a little bit anxious about everything as well.

We are heading into a mission field that is going to be a battle every day. And Satan's attacks have already started. I know you all "know" that but it is easy for me to take it lightly and not realize how serious the war really is. Satan is going to try and throw lies at us and whisper doubts into our ears. He wants us to feel defeated far before we actually get to Cambodia. We must be grounded in truth and constantly do the "abiding" thing. :)

The pastor that I just met with looked at me and asked, "So do you want to get married? If I were you, I would be nervous that that was not going to happen with the commitment of two years. How do you feel about that?" I actually really appreciated that question because I am sure so many people wonder that and do not ask.

That question hit some of my fears dead on. To be honest that is something that I have been struggling with the last couple of days. There are a lot of uncertainties going into the next two years. What if something happens to my family? What if I never get married? What if something happens to me in Cambodia? But something that God keeps asking me is, "Do you really believe that I know what is best for you?" The reality is that God knows those desires of my heart because he put them there. He shaped my heart and he knows every craving and every dream. I have to trust that.

The thing is God does want what is best for us and his plan is perfect, even when it doesn't look like what we would imagine for ourselves. Satan wants to confuse us and make us doubt God's faithfulness. And this is a time when I feel like my insecurities and my flesh are being blown to the surface and it is easy to doubt.
I am so glad that I am walking through this with you girls. God is so awesome to have given us each other and to be forming our friendships before we get to the field. We need to be constantly reminding each other of truth even now as we embark on this journey.

The truth that the Lord gave me today was Lamentations 3: 24,

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him."

I want to write that all over my body so I don't forget!

Do not become overwhelmed by anxiety about raising enough support, leaving family and friends behind or even the unknown of the future. But hope in the Lord! He is all we need and He is faithful!!

You are all amazing. Every time I tell someone about our team I realize how amazing God is to have brought us all to this point. I love the unique aspect that everyone brings and I already feel that we are a good balance of each other. I know that it is not going to be easy but what a blessing you are all to me already. Our team really is a testimony of God's faithfulness. We need to remember that when we cannot doubt that God knows what is best for us. All we can do is obey and God will not forsake us.

Love you so much already.
Wanting to abide!
Lauren

Hey girls!!girls!!

I am sitting at a coffee shop after a meeting with one of my pastors and I felt that I should write you lovely girls. :) I know there is a lot of anxiety going on and so I just wanted to encourage you and preach to myself a little bit because I have been a little bit anxious about everything as well.

We are heading into a mission field that is going to be a battle every day. And Satan's attacks have already started. I know you all "know" that but it is easy for me to take it lightly and not realize how serious the war really is. Satan is going to try and throw lies at us and whisper doubts into our ears. He wants us to feel defeated far before we actually get to Cambodia. We must be grounded in truth and constantly do the "abiding" thing. :)

The pastor that I just met with looked at me and asked, "So do you want to get married? If I were you, I would be nervous that that was not going to happen with the commitment of two years. How do you feel about that?" I actually really appreciated that question because I am sure so many people wonder that and do not ask.

That question hit some of my fears dead on. To be honest that is something that I have been struggling with the last couple of days. There are a lot of uncertainties going into the next two years. What if something happens to my family? What if I never get married? What if something happens to me in Cambodia? But something that God keeps asking me is, "Do you really believe that I know what is best for you?" The reality is that God knows those desires of my heart because he put them there. He shaped my heart and he knows every craving and every dream. I have to trust that.

The thing is God does want what is best for us and his plan is perfect, even when it doesn't look like what we would imagine for ourselves. Satan wants to confuse us and make us doubt God's faithfulness. And this is a time when I feel like my insecurities and my flesh are being blown to the surface and it is easy to doubt.

I am so glad that I am walking through this with you girls. God is so awesome to have given us each other and to be forming our friendships before we get to the field. We need to be constantly reminding each other of truth even now as we embark on this journey.

The truth that the Lord gave me today was Lamentations 3: 24, "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him." I want to write that all over my body so I don't forget!

Do not become overwhelmed by anxiety about raising enough support, leaving family and friends behind or even the unknown of the future. But hope in the Lord! He is all we need and He is faithful!!

You are all amazing. Every time I tell someone about our team I realize how amazing God is to have brought us all to this point. I love the unique aspect that everyone brings and I already feel that we are a good balance of each other. I know that it is not going to be easy but what a blessing you are all to me already. Our team really is a testimony of God's faithfulness. We need to remember that when we cannot doubt that God knows what is best for us. All we can do is obey and God will not forsake us.

Love you so much already.

Wanting to abide,

Lauren

Hey girls!!

I am sitting at a coffee shop after a meeting with one of my pastors and I felt that I should write you lovely girls. :) I know there is a lot of anxiety going on and so I just wanted to encourage you and preach to myself a little bit because I have been a little bit anxious about everything as well.

We are heading into a mission field that is going to be a battle every day. And Satan's attacks have already started. I know you all "know" that but it is easy for me to take it lightly and not realize how serious the war really is. Satan is going to try and throw lies at us and whisper doubts into our ears. He wants us to feel defeated far before we actually get to Cambodia. We must be grounded in truth and constantly do the "abiding" thing. :)

The pastor that I just met with looked at me and asked, "So do you want to get married? If I were you, I would be nervous that that was not going to happen with the commitment of two years. How do you feel about that?" I actually really appreciated that question because I am sure so many people wonder that and do not ask.

That question hit some of my fears dead on. To be honest that is something that I have been struggling with the last couple of days. There are a lot of uncertainties going into the next two years. What if something happens to my family? What if I never get married? What if something happens to me in Cambodia? But something that God keeps asking me is, "Do you really believe that I know what is best for you?" The reality is that God knows those desires of my heart because he put them there. He shaped my heart and he knows every craving and every dream. I have to trust that.

The thing is God does want what is best for us and his plan is perfect, even when it doesn't look like what we would imagine for ourselves. Satan wants to confuse us and make us doubt God's faithfulness. And this is a time when I feel like my insecurities and my flesh are being blown to the surface and it is easy to doubt.

I am so glad that I am walking through this with you girls. God is so awesome to have given us each other and to be forming our friendships before we get to the field. We need to be constantly reminding each other of truth even now as we embark on this journey.

The truth that the Lord gave me today was Lamentations 3: 24, "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him." I want to write that all over my body so I don't forget!

Do not become overwhelmed by anxiety about raising enough support, leaving family and friends behind or even the unknown of the future. But hope in the Lord! He is all we need and He is faithful!!

You are all amazing. Every time I tell someone about our team I realize how amazing God is to have brought us all to this point. I love the unique aspect that everyone brings and I already feel that we are a good balance of each other. I know that it is not going to be easy but what a blessing you are all to me already. Our team really is a testimony of God's faithfulness. We need to remember that when we cannot doubt that God knows what is best for us. All we can do is obey and God will not forsake us.

Love you so much already.

Wanting to abide,

Lauren