Eyes Wide Open

The curtain was suddenly drawn and light clashed with darkness. I was no longer walking around a tourist hot spot but a war zone. The reality of the sex trade along with the evilness of man became real and I did not feel so invincible anymore. Clearly this is not just a lucrative business but a battle for souls. Totally unprepared I found myself standing between a man and his source of income; and he was not happy. 

 

How did we get to this? This girl was completely innocent at one point. Was she a wanted or unwanted baby? Was she abused by her family or loved? Do they even know where she is now or what her life is like? Did she come from a poor family and the burden of providing was placed on her shoulders? Has anyone told her that she is valuable? Beautiful? Does she remember the days before her job was sleeping with men? Does she remember what it is like to be free from the haze of drugs? Does she know what it is like to be loved without wanting anything in return? When was the last time her sleep was not interrupted by the violent hands of evil men? Does she know what it is like to paint and draw in peace without getting threatened for not being with customers?  

 

And what about this man who is responsible for selling her? The one who controls her and makes money off her body. Why is he so numb and angry? What occurred in his life that makes it impossible for him to stay sober? When did he loose sight of other human beings and their value? How does he see himself? What happened to him that made him okay with exploiting and abusing women? What were his dreams when he was young? Did he want to be a teacher, a soccer player, super hero or a doctor? Maybe his mom is sick and he needs money for her medicine. Was he abused when he was young? Does he remember life before alcohol and violence? Is he looking for an escape? What is going on behind the fury in his eyes and his clenched jaw? Can I blame him for being angry at me for getting in the way of his livelihood? 

 

Why did I think I could waltz into this place with my paint brush without shaking things up? Why did I not think about the consequences of painting with these girls and about the possibility that I could get them in trouble for not making enough money? Well I cannot go back now and experience is the best teacher so I am choosing to learn from it but I still have so many questions. God protected me, showed me the reality of the situation but I can’t help thinking about that girl and where she is now. How can we reach those girls without endangering their lives or making their situations worse? What is really helping and what is hurting? How can we get these girls out of these situations? And what about me? I am serving an all powerful God but where is the line between being bold and being stupid? I don’t want to be crippled by fear but I want to walk wisely. This is not simply a battle between flesh and blood, that is very clear. 

 

So what now? God has called me to Cambodia to be a voice for girls such as this one. I am not going to be silent and I am not going to give up. I will not stay inside my house afraid that next time things will go differently; which shows me how vital prayer is. I will strive to walk in wisdom and discernment. I also recognize how naive I have been and still am in many aspects as I am still in the learning process. We live in a messy world but we have a great and beautiful hope. This hope; which is the love of Christ is too precious and too brilliant to keep to myself. So I will not be discouraged but will continue to fight this fight with the backing of an angel army. God is the only one who can penetrate hearts and restore the broken walls. The pressure if off but the war is on.