I know less than I thought (Part 1)

I looked out the bus window and watched as a little boy stood on his tip toes, picking through a garbage can. People and moto’s whirled around him not seeming to notice as old leftovers made their way to his mouth in a slow robotic motion. This is the scene that is played over and over again all around Cambodia, it is normal here. 

 

There is no lack of poverty and it is more complex than what I have ever been exposed to, even after growing up in a third world country. Every day I am introduced to a new face of poverty; whether it is an old woman begging for food, a child on the street or a prostitute on a bench. I am greeted by these faces at the market, walking home, on tuk tuk rides and when I pass beer gardens and brothels. Poverty is definitely not something to be desired. I have wrestled with this mass web of poverty ever since the first day of being here and so when I read,  Matthew 5:2 the other day it jolted me and brought up many thoughts and questions. 

 

“Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.” 

 

I struggle with feeling helpless as I have encounters with the poverty of those around me. I wrestle with how to respond and what I can do. Does giving money or food help or hurt? How can I be the one to decide? How can I buy comforts for myself such as coffee knowing there are people who need food? How can I help them the most? How can I best show them the love of Christ? And the questions go on and on.

And I would like to confess something really quickly that may shock some of you: I do not have it figured out and I doubt I ever will completely. This is something I know I will continue to wrestle with. I cannot create a pretty formula of what to do in those situations. And if I wrote a manual labeled, “How to respond to poverty” I would be very naive and I would be quenching the Holy Spirit. I have actually found that it is in those encounters with the faces of poverty that I see my deep need of the Spirit and my own poverty is exposed. 

 

So what does it mean to be poor in spirit? What did Jesus intend that to look like when he said it? How could something that is so devastating be a desired attribute of my spirit? How do I strive for that? What would my life look like if I practiced being poor in spirit? 

 

Well Instead of projecting all of my thoughts in this one massive blog and overwhelming everyone, I am going to post the second part of this soon. I want to leave you with this for now and invite you into my process. I will post my other thoughts soon as I work through them and continue in this journey of learning. Take some time to think about how your life would look if you were poor in spirit and how you can put that into practice. And please share your thoughts with me and your own questions.

 

                      To be continued….